enough to die

[This is somewhat disjointed. You have my apologies, but the blog is called "thinking out loud."]

At the end of the book of Jonah, Jonah is being a big baby and is angry with God. He doesn't come right out and say why he is so angry with God in his heart, but he complains to God about a vine that had once given him shade, but has now wilted and died. Jonah tells God that he is angry enough to die over the plant. One of the leaders of Navs said that he saw God's heart in this. And that perhaps, when Jonah said these words aloud, he too realized God's heart. God felt this way about the people of Nineveh; He wanted them to repent and turn to Him.  He desires the same for us. God was so angry about our sin and the brokenness of the world that He sent His Son to die in our place. He was angry enough to die.

For the last few weeks the fifth graders have been reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It has been wonderful! Earlier in the week we read about Edmund's rescue and the White Witch coming to talk to Aslan because according to the deep magic a traitor's life belonged to her. The children soon realized that Aslan would give his life in Edmund's place. In my afternoon reading group Thursday, I was reading aloud about how hopeless Lucy and Susan were looking at the dead Aslan on the stone table. A page or so later, the girls hear a great noise. They turn to see the stone table broken and Aslan in all his glory before them, alive! How my eyes welled with tears, I had to pass the reading to a student.

Romans 5:6-8 says: "You see, at just the right time, while were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will a rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while were still sinners, Christ died for us."  These verses have been bouncing around in my head for the last few months. This week it seems like God is bringing me to a deeper understanding of it in my own life. I am surrounded by so many people that I would love to see come to know Jesus in a real way. I would gladly give my life for them to know Him. God is asking me to do just that, in the moment by moment dying to self where faith is expressed. As I wrestle with this, I have been praying about what this means for next year. Does this mean continuing in a career I don't know if I want, so I can continue to be with these lovely people? 

My heart comes back to the great commission. Go and make disciples, teach them in the power of my Spirit! Bear fruit! I think with excitement about how many apples could be in one seed. We have an awesome God, a God of such loyal love and endless faithfulness. He loved us enough to humble himself and put on flesh, to take the very nature of a servant, and to die, a death in my place and yours, on the cross. His death brought life, for the grave could not keep Him and He rose victorious!

Lord, thank You for Your perfect ways. They are higher and greater than mine. Continue to teach me, O Lord, what it means to die to self and to live for You. I pray that I would bear fruit in season and that my life would bring You glory. Lord, You are the giver of all life. Would You bring new life to my friends? Lord, that we would praise You among the nations. How great is Your love! Thank You for loving us enough to die.